Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
