i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
