I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
