I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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