My Higher Power is John Stamos
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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