What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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