when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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