I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
