Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
