i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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