Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
