Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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