I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
