dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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