I puked a lego.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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