I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
