who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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