she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
