I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
