Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
