I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
