Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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