Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
