I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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