I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
