he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
