So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
