hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
