she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
