He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
