he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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