So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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