so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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