Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
