Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize