if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
