i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
