He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
