Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
