dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
