I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
