Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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