U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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