return my video game
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
