i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
