Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
