FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
