Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
