I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
