those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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