I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
