I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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