you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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