babies were throwing up all over the place
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
nutella sex= disaster
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
