I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize