I think my vagina is haunted
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
