Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
