my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
