Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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