I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
