I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
