just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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