Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got her a Nickelback box set.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
