Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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