my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
