i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
