I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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