Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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