**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
