i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
