We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
