so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
