The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
