I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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