I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
