he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
