He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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